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Category: Tech Fixes

My Cable Box Blurred my Political View

Pop Quiz: You’ve got 60 seconds to figure out how to fix your cable box so you can watch the big debate. Here’s a hint… pound away!

It was 8:59pm.
And I sat down in front of my Panasonic 42” Plasma TV as a proud citizen of the United States of America.

That moment could well mean one of our recent political smack-downs was on the immediate horizon.

Or “Dancing with the Stars” was on.

But in fact, the Vice Presidential Debate was about to begin.
Of course, my TV’s picture should have been perfect, as it was powered by Cablevision’s Optimum DVR box.

I Can’t Take My Seat in the Audience
As my TV’s glow grew brighter, and the image of Wolf Blitzer appeared, I noticed the typical text box at the bottom of CNN was partially cropped off.
Strange.

I looked closer at the entire picture, and all four edges were actually cropped off, as if the entire frame was zoomed in a bit.

That was really bad.
I didn’t want to watch the debate with half of Biden and Ryan’s faces cut off.
I wanted a full-on view of the spectacle!

So I immediately jumped into emergency diagnosis mode.
I ran over to a small glass case mounted on the wall next to the TV, smashed in the glass with my elbow, and pulled out a small piece of paper with the code-red check-list.
(That’s how they do it in the movies, don’t they?)

  1. I quickly looked at a few other channels to make sure CNN wasn’t just fritzing out.
    They were all displaying in the same zoom mode.
  2. I checked the Blu-ray input on the TV. No problem there.
    So the cable box was clearly the culprit.
  3. I reviewed the cable box’s set-up menu.
    All was still good. I even adjusted a few of the box’s output settings,
    just in case.  No luck.
  4. I stared at the last item on the list.
    “Pull the plug.”
    Sometimes rebooting just does the trick.
    Nope.

Optimum, We Have a Problem
Then my wife walked in and sat down. She observed my poorly masked frantic state and asked what the problem was. The debate was about to begin.

“Problem? What problem?”

I was stuck.
The proud home IT guy had to fess up that even though we were funding a small country’s operating budget with our monthly cable bill, I couldn’t get the cable box to behave.

She let me off easy.
“How bad could it be?” she said as she invited me to sit down.
(Even the home IT guy needs a break occasionally.)

So we watched half the debate.
We actually stuck it out for the full ninety minutes, but remember, we could only see half the picture.
Since the split screen of the two candidates exaggerated the zoom problem, I felt we really didn’t get the complete experience.
(I’ll have to assume the other half of their faces mirrored the portions I could see.)

Get to Know Your Remote Control
A few days after my humbling (hobbling?) tech glitch, I figured I’d better fix the problem. I figured I would likely have to replace my cable box.
I wasn’t too excited about this, because there were still twenty unwatched shows on the DVR, which would be lost after a box switcheroo.

But I had no choice but to call Cablevision tech support and so I dialed away…

I explained my problem to the friendly customer service representative.
I asked, “Have you ever heard of this problem?”
He replied, “Oh yes. Many times.”
“Really?”

He then told me to go to pick up my cable remote and press the “#” button on the bottom right.

What?! The pound button?
Bingo. The TV’s image returned to normal size.

“Do you have any other questions I can help you with at this time?”

I thought, “Why would anybody know about this button?!
It’s not labeled at all!
Why does it even exist?
There’s already an official screen set-up section in the cable box’s menu!
Are you just thinking of ways to ruin my cable television viewing experience?!!”

But I said, “No thank you. I’m all set.”

He said, “Please hold for a customer service survey.”

And then I hung up.
(Is that wrong?)

He was actually very nice, and I know he had nothing to do with the decision to create this disruptive remote control button.

And there was a silver lining. I got to keep all my DVR recordings.

Read the Manual
But I was really cranky that this simple problem had derailed my election central viewing experience. I just couldn’t accept that it was my fault. The blame had to lie elsewhere.

So I went online to see what education support Cablevision offered for their remotes.
On Optimum’s website, there indeed is a section that displays my infamous DVR remote and each button’s functionality.
(gulp)

And when I hovered over the “#” button, the following words popped up:
“Size the picture for some HD television models.”

All right.
So by the book, Cablevision is technically covered, and I’m the Luddite.
But come on!
I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s fallen into this trap.
(My Optimum buddy pretty much admitted that.)

Throwing Stones in Cyberspace
But we’re not quite done yet with my story… are we?
Yes, I’ve left out one important detail.

When I later explained to my wife that I had fixed the cable issue, she asked me how the problem began in the first place.

She correctly reasoned that someone must have accidentally pressed the “#” button to create my “zoom-gate.”

Well, I knew it wasn’t my wife.
She’s already joined much of today’s digital consuming population, finding most of her desired content on her laptop.
The operation of our hulking and under-watched TV falls under my watchful eye.

Well, then there’s my toddler.
Coincidentally, he’s done some other tech damage of late.
And he loves picking remotes up and pressing all the buttons.
But this one has typically been placed out of his reach.
I’ve considered blaming him, but under the circumstances (no proof)
I’ve decided it would be uncool to blame him.

So that leaves only one person.

Somehow… Mea culpa.
Wow, that hurts.

To dull the pain, I’d like to help others avoid my little ‘tungle.’ (tech bungle)
Please heed today’s tech tip:

TV Tech Tip for Watching Politics
Don’t press the “#” on your Cablevision DVR remote control.
Ever.
Don’t lean on it. Don’t point at it. Don’t look at it.
And keep it at least five feet off the ground.

You’re welcome.

Now that I’ve got the whole picture back in focus on my TV, I’m wishing the political picture could be so simple.

Fortunately, that’s a question for someone else’s blog.
I’ve got a few more tungles to work through…

How to Rescue your iPhone Voicemail

Do you recognize this cable? Of course you do. This mini-plug audio cable ruled your analog universe years ago. It’s time to find it in the back of your tech closet. Because you’re going to need it on your visual voicemail rescue mission!

Visual voicemail is magic, isn’t it?
All your messages. Right there in front of you.
Waiting to be played back in whatever order you want.

Infinite goodness.
But not limitless.

Pop quiz:
How many of you have ever run out of voicemail space?
All right, half of America, you can put your hands down now.

So occasionally, you’ve got to delete some messages. No biggie.
And I doubt every voicemail you receive is a gem that’s needed for posterity.
But you probably don’t want to lose it all.

Sometimes a message comes along you’d like to download to your computer for safekeeping, right?

And how does that work?
It seems like such simple ‘drag and drop’ task.
Shockingly, there’s no Easy Button to press on the iPhone.

Like Pinocchio’s Pleasure Island, you’ve unknowingly paid a steep entry fee to access the flexibility of visual voicemail.

I think the unfortunate truth is you’re not really supposed to move your voicemails around. Not that it’s illegal.
It just appears the tech titans didn’t feel this functionality was all that important.

Where do your Messages Really Live?
Part of the problem is where your voicemail messages actually reside.
In the good old days, your phone messages lived in your home answering machine on little mini audio cassettes. Remember those?

Yes, the limits of that analog technology inevitably created mangled tapes with partially destroyed messages. Towards the end of your answering machine’s life, the recorded voices you could make out spoke in wild, warbly pitches ranging from an operatic soprano to the devil’s deep base.

It’s all ancient history by today’s sleek digital standards.
But I bet some of those messages are still alive on a couple of tapes forgotten inside a shoebox in the back of your closet.

The lesson here is you had possession of the actual messages, however fragile the audio tapes were.

Today, your wireless provider stores your voicemail safely on their servers.
But only temporarily…

For example, Verizon Wireless will store 40 messages up to 3 minutes each for only 30 days.

AT&T gives you the same deal, but each message is permitted to extend to up to four minutes. (Whoo Hoo!)

Either way, your messages only have a month to live.

Escape from Alcatraz
“Hold on there, Tech Nerd!”
(you might be thinking)

“Aren’t these messages also living on my iPhone?”
Why, yes they are, clever reader.

Once your iPhone receives your messages, they do hang on…
seemingly forever, because a copy gets stored locally.

So your messages actually are in your possession.

But they’re buried really deep in your iPhone. And there’s no key.
Again, the iPhone IOS offers no obvious escape for these digital files.

I suppose you could be satisfied nurturing those voicemails locally on the phone, but if you lose or break your iPhone, your messages will go “POOF!”

If that threat doesn’t make you flinch, the simple passage of time will.
When you inevitable upgrade to a newer phone model in the next year or two, and you send your iPhone into early retirement, you might find yourself saying “Sayonara!” to your precious messages.
(An iTunes backup sync on the old iPhone should restore all existing content, but who knows what differences future operating systems might contain.)

One way or another, now is still the best time to act!
So call up your personal DBORS,
(Digital Black Ops Rescue Squad)
and let’s get to work!

We’ll give them three rescue plans to work with…

Rescue Mission 1
Bring along Third-Party Software
Your target is the aforementioned copy of your voicemail, living deep inside your iPhone
AND ALSO… backed up on your computer somewhere in iTunes.
That’s where we want to go.

But finding your messages and then identifying the right ones to save is universally viewed as a herculean task!
(I couldn’t locate them.)

Fortunately, there are some clever entrepreneurs who’ve taken the time to figure out a solution for you.

You just download their third party software, and BAM!
You’re suddenly looking at your visual voicemail on your computer’s desktop.
Export what you want, and you’re done!

Unfortunately, these software downloads are going to cost you some coin.

That said, here are the dominant players in the space:

Though this is not an official review, I’d go with Decipher Voicemail, the least expensive one.

Not that any of these choices cost crazy money, but it just feels wrong that you’ve got to pay what seems like ransom money to break your voicemail free.

Plus you know how much I like downloading additional software that may or may not play nicely with other software on my computer.

There must be another solution…

Rescue Mission 2
Bring an Old Mini-Plug Cable and Count to Five!
As the saying goes, “What’s old is new again.”
Yes, it’s an analog solution to the rescue!
And it’s free.

Just play back your voicemail message and re-record it onto a different platform.

It just takes five easy steps…

  • Step 1:
    First, plug a mini-plug audio cable into your iPhone’s earbud jack and then into the line input of your computer.
  • Step 2:
    Download Audacity, which is a popular, free audio recording program.
  • Step 3
    Play your voicemail on your iPhone and then hit the record button on Audacity.
  • Step 4:
    When you’re done, export the file to an AIFF audio file.
  • Step 5:
    If you’d like, you can then convert it to an m4a iTunes file in QuickTime.

BAM!!
It’s embarrassingly easy.

Rescue Mission 3
For Those Who Still Know What a Pager Is
And if your iPhone isn’t physically around, (dog ate it/toddler flushed it)
you can really go old-school and call in to your wireless provider’s voicemail system.
(Remember, you can only access your last month’s worth of messages.)

  • Dial your mobile number and let your call ring in to voicemail.
  • While your message is playing, press the * key.
  • And then tap in your voicemail password.
    (If you can’t remember it, you can always call your wireless provider to quickly change it.)
  • Now, you should proceed as above, although you’re forced to use the limited functionality of sifting through each message before you find the ones you want.
    (Old school is old for a reason.)

Mission Accomplished!
You’ve got your voicemail messages safely back on home turf.
Congratulations.

Sure it took a little MacGyvering.
And who knew the old low-rent mini plug still had such value other than at the end of earbuds?

You may be feeling a bit like a donkey having made such an effort to rescue a simple voicemail message…

But such is life on Pleasure Island.