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Tag: family history

I Found these Silent Truths from My Father’s Old Home Movies

There’s that movie scene from “Iron Man 2,” where Tony Stark reviews old film outtakes of his deceased father Howard Stark. The raw film clips show Howard making a promotional film decades earlier. First, Howard is annoyed by child Tony, who plays in the background and ruins the scene. There’s no fatherly love expressed here.

But at the back end of the reel, Howard unexpectedly turns to the camera and seemingly breaks through time, talking directly to future Tony. Howard shares his love for his son, knowing at some point, Tony would receive his heartfelt message at the moment Tony needed it most.

On the one hand, this all seems a bit contrived, though not entirely implausible. But the scene really spoke to me. I’ve watched it many times. I’m drawn to it. And now, I finally understand why.

My Father was a Filmmaker
I’ve just finished converting my father’s old 8mm family movies to digital files. He began shooting them before I was born and then continued throughout my early years. 

But he gradually stopped his hobby, focusing more on his photography. My dad’s old film reels simply sat in a white box forgotten in the back of my family’s hallway closet. 

My mother and grandfather with me on my first birthday

These films reappeared many years later when I was an adult visiting my parents for the holidays. My father felt inspired to set up his aging movie projector for me and my mom, and he ran some of these old 8mm films for us. It was remarkable to watch them for the first time. 

My parents on their honeymoon

I brought along my camcorder, and I recorded his presentation displayed on a pull-up screen that he had also lugged along with his projector out of the closet. But we didn’t get through all the films. More than half remained unwatched. 

Fast forward a few more decades, and that white box of family memories eventually found its way to my house. (My father passed away in 2022.) 

Rescuing Our Family Films 
A few months back, I decided it was finally time to try to properly convert all these time capsules, which had deteriorated somewhat, but were still viewable.

So, I purchased a Kodak REELS Film Digitizer for the job, which was a far cry from a professional film conversion plan. 

But the film-to-digital converter worked well enough to bring these silent moments back to life. And the quality was fine for my needs.

The conversion process was wicked slow, and I also found much of the content not worth saving. On the other hand, certain reels contained priceless moments of my parents and my paternal grandfather. And of course, I had to go through what seemed like miles of film to find them.

And then I stumbled upon one huge surprise buried in a strangely unlabeled reel. It was the day my parents’ families first met at my maternal grandparents’ house. It was shot like an old news reel covering some massive public event.
(Of course, this was a big event for the two families.) 

After I first watched it, it felt like I had jumped through a time portal to witness history. It’s a true gem. And now I’ve got it properly archived.

A Baby Surrounded by History
I also converted numerous clips of young Barrett, from baby and toddler to little kid. Sure, I was cute, but I think the greater value in these scenes comes from looking at everything around me- the people, the styles and the environment. Here’s my grandfather with me and my mother on a sunny 20th century afternoon in New York City’s Central Park.

A summer day in Central Park

This is such a cool moment from another era. 

Was the Payoff Worth the Grind?
I mentioned the digital conversion process takes time. Yes, lots of time! 

Each 3-minute reel took me 33 minutes or so to convert, as the digitizer snaps a photo of each frame and then stitches it all together into an MP4 file on an SD card (slick but slow). And I also had some larger reels to deal with… those took hours!

And it’s also not a ‘set it and forget it’ process. You can’t totally walk away. That’s because the film can easily jam in the converter. It’s not so much the unit’s fault. It has more to do with the condition of your film and quality of the splices. Any aberration, and the converter will jam. So, I needed to stay in the room to be able to see what was going on.

Plus, I found on several occasions that the film had broken mid-reel. This happened at some point decades back, and my father had never rejoined the pieces. Rather, he simply wrapped the rest of the film on top of the reel, leaving this booby trap for the future to figure out.

Give the Job to the Pros?
You might say that my experience clearly points to the value of simply shipping your box of misbehaving film reels to a company to do the work for you. They’ll deal with the mess and create better-quality conversions. And think about all the time you’ll save.

The only big downside is accepting that you’ll also be paying to convert footage that you otherwise wouldn’t want to save. Plus, depending on the number of reels you’re converting, it eventually becomes more cost effective to do it yourself.

There’s no right answer here. It’s whatever makes more sense for you.

Silent Truths and Manufactured Moments
I don’t think my father ever considered that I would attempt this project. Our family history is sufficiently documented in photos. I imagine as far as he was concerned, these films were simply his own hobby for him to enjoy during those years. Nothing more.

But of course, I was searching for something more. I wanted to understand more about my past.

As I reviewed the converted films, I looked for glimpses of certain ‘truths.’ I thought people in motion would reveal more than a posed photo. But I quickly realized there was plenty of posing going on here as well.In many of the scenes, my family acted like movie stars in front of the camera, exaggerating their movements and constantly smiling. 

My parents enjoying their vacation

Those mannerisms may also have to do with the silent movie nature of 8mm film. 
Without audio on these 8mm film reels, of course my father couldn’t talk to me. So, I never got my Tony Stark moment.

First Steps
But watching my parents interact during their early years together helped me fill out this optimistic first chapter in my own mind. Every story has a beginning, and I was watching theirs, however manufactured.

I got to see a bit more of my paternal grandfather. I have fond memories of him, and it was nice to see Grandpa in action again. 

My grandfather walking down Madison Avenue

There was also a lot of footage of my mother, who loved the camera in those early days. She was my foundation as I grew up, and the film clips of us together warmly displayed those beginnings. 

My mom and me dancing by the pool during a vacation

I can’t believe she’s been gone for twenty years. I’m so happy I now have these additional recorded moments of her.

But this project eventually leads me back to my father.

Look, we had a complicated relationship. Suffice to say, my father was a master storyteller, and I spent a lot of my adult life with him trying to figure out any number of little truths… and some bigger ones.

No, these old films didn’t answer any of them. But they did provide a bright view of my family’s life at the beginning. And I’d say that’s a real gift.

So, thank you, Dad. You were a pretty good filmmaker.

“I Built This for You”
My 8mm family film conversion project is complete. No, my father never sent me a secret message like Howard Stark to fundamentally change my understanding of my past. But he did show me some things, and he captured a few priceless family moments along the way. There are even a few scenes of my father with boy Barrett having fun.

My dad and me spending some quality time together

These clips are important reminders, as memories have a way of blurring the past. So, mission accomplished.

My cinematic journey back in time has wrapped. And now it’s time to move on. 

The present and future beckon.

How to Design a Photo Gallery Memory Wall at Home 

I usually show off family photos at home through my digital screens. (I haven’t bought photo paper in years.) The pictures glow on my little Nixplay digital frames and on my family room screen via my Apple TV interface. For years, I’ve enjoyed the flexibility to rotate countless images through these little memory portals.

What I’ve mostly ignored is the art of analog photo framing where you make a print, place it in a wooden frame and hang it on your wall. That’s so 1925. Plus, you ruin your walls in the process with all those little nail holes.

Well, unless you want to live in a sterile environment with empty walls, you have to accept some damage across the years and include a little patch and paint planning for your home.

So, I recently embarked on a journey to return to this old-school approach and frame more photos to hang.

My goal was to create a memory wall/family history gallery featuring photos from past generations in our hallway.

The Best Archival Photos have Visual Markers
I turned to the collection of pictures from my parents’ old photo albums, many of which I had already digitized. So, I was off to a great start, but I was quickly disappointed with what I found.

Sure, my parents took family photos, but a lot of them simply weren’t that great. Those Kodak moments were turned into soft, mediocre images captured by inferior 20th century consumer tech. (I’m admittedly spoiled by today’s smartphone photography magic.)

More importantly, so many of these images couldn’t stand on their own and reflect a story. The backgrounds were simply too vague.

Visual markers are the key to unlocking the story in any photo. Without them, a photo’s archival value rarely lasts beyond one generation. (Food for thought as you practice your own photography.)

Going back a generation to my grandparents, I had fewer pictures to work with. That said, I could tell my paternal grandmother really enjoyed being photographed. 

I never met her, but her vibrant personality glowed in all the photos she’s featured in.

I have just a couple of pictures of my great grandparents, and that’s it.

Other Factors to Consider
Once you select the best photos to work with, then you’ve got to figure out how they should go together. And that can be much harder than you’d think.

How you position archival family pictures can totally affect the story you want to tell. This is an entirely different skill set than I’m used to. (Remember, I just rotate pictures in digital frames.)

Plus, I was overwhelmed by the challenge to properly position a collage of photo frames on my wall and make it look organized and well designed (as opposed to a mess).

And then finally, the idea of puncturing my wall with lots of little nails almost pushed me over the edge towards inaction.

Display a Story in Groups of Four Photos
To help reduce my stress and solve for these complexities, I decided to make my photo frames do more of the work. I purchased wall-mountable frames that housed four 5″ x 7” photos each. (I picked up a few 25” x 10” frames from Target.) 

This strategy reduced my clutter concerns by 75% right there.

And it also created a structure for how I would organize my photos. Each group of four pictures needed to represent its own story.

Suddenly, my project became much easier.

  • One group showcased portraits of three generations on my father’s side as well as my maternal grandparents.
  • Another group featured my parents over the years.

Easy, right?

The only functional limitation to this design was I needed to group photos by orientation: portrait or landscape.

Still, I was able to make it work.

A Photo Collection Reflects a Larger Family Narrative
I’m happy to report the grand opening of Barrett’s family history gallery
(7am-6pm weekdays and 9am-1pm on weekends). 

But seriously, it feels great to have a few photos on our wall that display my family’s story. Previously, I’ve had some of these individually framed on shelves throughout our house. But they were effectively hidden from daily view. 

Plus, I like that our son can see this new collection. He knew my dad (who passed in 2022), but he never met my mom.

Yes, there’s more work to do… There’s a whole other family history to reflect on our walls. That comes next.

Simple and Effective Design
How ironic. What’s old is new again. So obvious… yet still requiring me to (re)discover these mini ‘aha’ moments.

Until the day comes when I upgrade my hallway to wall-to-wall digital screens, relying on old-school frames with four photos each is my DIY photo gallery solution.

I’m keeping it simple.

Why You Really Have Multiple Mothers

You’re more than the sum of your life experiences. The past has a way of traveling forward through generations and affecting your existence in ways you can’t possibly know. Think you‘ve been influenced by just one mother? Think again…

The love of a mother is unique and irreplaceable. My mom’s been gone since 2006, and of course, I miss her. She was the quintessential Jewish mother. Doting. Over protective. Always there for me. I am at home with tech, because she bought me my first audio cassette recorder for my 7th birthday.
(My father thought my sound-collecting interest was a passing fad, but my mom had her x-ray mom-vision that could see deeper into my heart and ultimately my future.)

Even after I had grown up and moved out, she still mothered from afar. She clipped and mailed news articles on topics she thought would (or should) be of interest to me. She was only a phone call away, and yes we talked often. Of course, I had my standing dinners with my father over the years when I was back in town, but I’ve reflected a lot about him lately.

Today is about mothers.

Multiple Mothers
Usually, you think of having one mother or person who served in that pivotal role during your early life. And that was certainly the case with my mom. But I believe the superpower of mothering is partially fueled by the past through a form of time travel.

As I look at old photos of both my grandmothers, I definitely feel a distant influence from both of them… as mothers.

And even though I never got to meet them, they influenced how my parents grew up and ultimately how they parented me. So, in a way, both of these women were also there with me through some of my parents’ unconscious behaviors.

If we extend this logic further, I am inevitably the result of a long line of mothers who stretch way back into my family’s history.

Aren’t we all?

All the wisdom. All of the unconditional love. All of that warmth.

Each of us contains all of this timeless ‘mom collective.’

My Paternal Grandmother
I’ve been going through photos of my grandmother Rae lately… ever since my father passed away.
Rae looks like quite the force. Smart. Funny. Clever. Daring. Compelling. She could not have been happier as she brought up her young family with my grandfather in the mid 1930’s.

Then, she died unexpectedly when my father was just four years old. It must have been absolutely shattering. My father didn’t talk about it with the same intensity… I’m sure as a long-established coping mechanism.

My grandfather never remarried, and he and his two young sons moved forward in their lives as best as anyone could.

So, Rae’s major influence on my father was unfortunately her absence as a mother after those few short years.

Still, I look at the photos of her, and I cannot help but feel a connection… a beneficiary of all of her strength and goodness. Of course, her love brought my father into this world, and she set him on his young path.

Thank you, Rae. Happy Mother’s Day.

My Maternal Grandmother
Then, there’s my mother’s mom… Blanka. She was originally from Hungary.
She looks much more serious, right? I don’t have as many photos of her. So it’s harder for me to paint my own picture..

My mom didn’t give me a lot of background on what her mother was like. The main part of Blanka’s story was that she had a serious bout of pneumonia when she was young and as a result was sickly across her adulthood. My mom spent a lot of time taking care of her when my mother was a teenager.

Blanka ultimately died young. My mother had grown up by then, but my mom was only in her twenties.

Still, as I think about Blanka’s life, there are two decades of mothering that influenced the person my mom became. (See first paragraph.) I don’t know those stories, but I know that as a result, there’s a part of Blanca in me.

Thank you Blanka. Happy Mother’s Day.

My Mother
Looking at both stories of my grandmothers, there’s the unfortunate similarity that both their lives ended way too early.

Not that one’s life should be singularly judged in terms of longevity, but I feel blessed that my mother lived for as long as she did. And happily, she was my mom decades into my adulthood.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

My Wife
And this brings us to the present.

I’m also blessed to be a parent of a young teenage boy. He is so great. And this is, in large part, due to his amazing mother.
Thank you wife for everything you do for our son every day. I can see your empathy, love of nature and balanced mindfulness flowing in his being.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Generations of Motherly Love
They say it takes a village. I can easily see that using my expanded view across time.

To all of the mothers in my family who have provided so much love, support and wisdom to the generations… you’re all rock stars!