Remembering My Mom
I’ve spent time in my blog writing about my father since he passed. It’s coming up now on four years, and I’ve had a lot to process. I’m still doing it.
He had a big personality. He lived his life large. And he did things his way.
And as you might expect, he overshadowed my mother in a number of ways. That often seemed just fine for her while I was growing up. (But I knew it really wasn’t.)
And here I am, trying to write about my mother… commenting on my father. It reflects the imbalance.
But I recently faced the 20th anniversary of my mother’s passing. It’s a shocking number. It still feels like yesterday.
I think that’s a testament to her ongoing influence on me. And that’s a good thing.
So, it’s clearly an appropriate moment to share a bit about my mom.
Happy Memories
She never liked the spotlight, and I expect my mother wouldn’t be keen that I’m talking about her to the universe.
But I must. We all have different ways to keep memories alive. And so… I use this platform to light a digital candle for her.
And as I think back to my years as a kid and young adult, a few happy memories of my mom quickly come into focus.
Little and Big Moments
Mom took me to a “Star Trek” convention in Philadelphia when I was twelve.
(She made sure I got James Doohan’s autograph after I waited two hours in line for it.)
She sometimes adjusted family dinner time to enable me to watch “Star Trek” at 6pm on WPIX TV.
(My father was not pleased.)
Mom stayed up with me late into the night as I sometimes struggled with my homework.
She bought me an audio cassette recorder against my father’s wishes.
(It was the spark that led me to my career in video production.)
Mom mended my socks.
She taught me to offer up my seat on a crowded bus.
When I was older, Mom stitched together the fraying fabric on the driver’s seat of my first used car.
Long after I’d left home, she clipped out interesting articles from The New York Times and mailed them to me.
A Mother’s Love
I think about that scene from “Iron Man 2” when Tony Stark’s father talks to him in a decades-old outtake from a Stark Industries film reel. Howard Stark looks at Tony across time and says directly to him, “What is and always will be my greatest creation… is you.”
While in the movie that’s a revelation in how Tony understands his father, it was never unclear for me and my mom.
It’s a blessing to know that your mother unconditionally loves you as you grow up and into adulthood.
I remember.
Timeless Values
My mother had a sense of quiet determination.
She ultimately influenced how I now parent as a father.
She gave me my moral center.
And I try to show up every day living the values she instilled in me.
So even though it’s been twenty years since you left, Mom, I hold onto the memories.
You are not forgotten.
I miss you.
Love you, Mom.
Always.
