At Home with Tech

Ode to iPhone 6 Plus

I opened up the box cradling my preordered iPhone 6 Plus, turned it on and then activated the giant monster. Finally, I put it in my front pocket (barely) and decided… It’s time to write some poetry!

First, there was my sad Ode to iPhone 5.
Then came the mournful Ode to the End of BlackBerry.
And now, in what has become my annual contribution to tech poetry,
(…is there such a thing?)
I present my next ‘poem.’
(and it’s a bit more upbeat…)

Plus

You are so large
Your face so bright
I can’t believe
My very sight

I’ve been waiting
For oh, so long
My old 4S
Its sheen long gone

Starting from China
I’ve tracked your journey
Alaska to the east coast
The plane flies in a hurry

I have chosen you
I own a phablet
You’re kind of awkward
But you’re no bandit

Will you really bend?
I imagine you can
But why would I think
You’re as tough as batman?

You are not perfect
I do understand
What tech is so strong
Life’s force to withstand?

iOS 8 glitches
I should expect a few
Just wait a couple weeks
Updates will make you new

Once just a phone
For my mobile convenience
Now I carry
The power of near sentience

A gadget from Star Trek
Can help you feel clever
But there is no ‘Corbomite’ here
No Guardian of Forever

Still, I will protect you
You are my only friend*
Your screen displays my world
Oh, you can never end!**

For a moment in life
I’m cutting edge and cool
It’s only good timing***
Because I sometimes drool****

So is my Plus a must?
It really does dazzle
I am now so pumped up
Thanks to mighty Apple

*I needed the extra two beats. I’ve got a couple of friends.
** Feel free, as long as AppleCare is fully in force.
***Yes, I was the first geek to bring it to the staff meeting last week.
****Another rhyming requirement. Okay… I may drool a wee bit in my sleep.

September 28, 2014

Have You Forgotten How to Make a Phone Call?

Imagine this: Aliens have landed, and you’ve got to make that call to hightail it to the crazy island on “Lost.” Wait a minute… The phone number isn’t on speed dial! And now the keys on your telephone are starting fade away!! Unlikely…? Well, you may want to start preparing for the disappearing keys part…

Have you ever wondered what an alternate universe would be like?
How about a place where people didn’t need digits on their telephone keys?

I found myself in that warped reality recently when I was squatting in a stranger’s office.
(No, this wasn’t a random act… just office sharing)

I turned to make a phone call, and bam!
I felt the space/time continuum shift slightly as I tried to focus.

There was nothing to see but twelve blank keys.
I closed my eyes and conjured the Force.

Tap. Tap…tap…tap. Tap…tap…tap. Tap…tap…tap…tap.

“Hello?”

Phew… I recognized the voice on the other end…

Memory Wipe
But seriously, how does that happen?
Years of someone else dialing that same keypad?
(But there wasn’t even a sniff of identifying ink on any of the keys beyond the star and pound signs.)

And in a future that’s already here, complete with speed-dial and voice-activated dialing, I suppose you really don’t need to remember the numeric sequences anymore, let alone their location on a phone.

The question is… have you already forgotten how to make a phone call?
And without a visual assist … did you ever really know how?!

A Fringe Event
Perhaps my parallel universe keypad was accidentally left behind by an “Observer” from the future.
Maybe it’s purposely placed there as a warning…

‘Don’t Forget!’
Never forget how to make a phone call.
Memorize that keypad now!

Don’t succumb to DKS!
(Disappearing Keys Syndrome)

The future of this world may depend on it one day…

September 21, 2014

You Can’t Bum a Smoke Off of CVS Anymore

If you’re thinking of running to CVS to grab some cigarettes, you’d better think again. The pharmacy chain has decided to start taking better care of its customers…

So I was dispatched on an emergency mission to CVS/pharmacy recently to pick up some extra Play-Doh for an upcoming playdate.
Apparently, my son’s supply had gotten dangerously low…
(And yes, I’ve discovered that life’s little emergencies such as a Play-Doh crisis can easily redirect your blogging focus. No biggie. Just write on…!)

At the CVS checkout counter, I noticed something a little strange… rows and rows of empty shelves.
(Had there been a massively successful sale on some must-have item?)

Not quite…

I peered into the corner of the disheveled shelving and spotted a lone pack of cigarettes hanging on for dear life.

Then, as if on cue, one of the CVS employees behind the counter gleefully yanked at the entire row of shelves, and it all came crashing down.
It was like I was witnessing the destruction of the Berlin wall.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“We’re not going to be selling cigarettes anymore,” the man at the register proclaimed.

“Really?”

“No… We decided it doesn’t make sense for a pharmacy to sell cigarettes!”

“You’re right!” I agreed.

And then I walked out of this quite public celebration with my two cartons of Play-Doh.

And I went home to do a little research…

CVS is On a Health Kick
So this isn’t really breaking news.
CVS announced its change of heart back in February saying tobacco products would be off their store shelves by October 1.

Yes, America’s largest pharmacy gave itself a lengthy eight months to kick the habit, but the good news is my local CVS made the big move a month early.

So why all the fuss about the health of its customers?
CVS expects to lose $2 billion in revenue annually as a result of its new health kick.

I did a little Googling in search of an economic rationale.
And I discovered it’s still all about improving CVS’s bottom line.
But first, there needed to be a serious image update… plain and simple.

Wired.com put the logic together quite nicely…
In the age of the mighty Amazon crushing brick and mortar stores, CVS is trying to stay relevant. As a pharmacy, it wants to become a place “to go to get care, not just stuff.”
(and stuff that can kill you)

Throwing out all the cigarettes is clearly a nice way to enforce that message.

Another way is to change your name. Earlier this month,
CVS Caremark changed its corporate name to CVS Health to reflect its broader heath care commitment.

Bravo, CVS Health!

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